Waiting for the light

It's a Great morning each morning I wake up. Some are tougher than others because not only am I in pain, but I am in the darkness. Today I have both. But I will not allow either to get my spirits down, but today to be honest it is a struggle. I wish Momma was here to hold me and protect me from the pain of IH...I wish she could lay down with me and tell me the good things, we could laugh together, and this would help redirect my thinking about the pain the hurt of not being able to see. Oh how I miss my Momma. The pain is in my head, it hurts like someone is taking a knife & stabbing me with it. It is in my legs like I have walked a marathon and believe me I am out of shape so that is some pain! My hands and arms ache like I had lifted boxes and boxes of heavy books with them yesterday. But most of all my heart hurts as does my true inner spirit that I can not see the words I am typing, the cats who want to come in and out this morning, my own hands. I can not see Brendan, especially his facial expressions or other fantastic body parts - all of them! :o) I am saddened that I can't see the sky to see if it's dark or light outside. I am sad. I am sad a lot when I am in darkness, but I push it down most of the time & do my best to persevere through it so I may reach in and feel the true spirit rise above my sadness, above my fears and let what I love about myself shine. That truly no matter what I wait for light and I am okay waiting. It will come again. Soon I hope. If not then I too will be the wonderful child of God that He meant me to be. I will rise above the anxiety of fear and sadness and wait for the light. It so beautiful when it comes. It like no other experience you could imagine. When you have been in total darkness and then all of a sudden - BOOOM out of no where... you can see... you see color, you see light, you faces, you see loved ones, you see, you see, you see. Oh it's magical. Then there is no fear or sadness. Then there is only the wonderful light of the day. Only the true happiness and gratitude a heart can feel. Only the thankfulness that I can see. Gosh what a feeling it is. I wish I could explain it better into words. It's just amazing, truly "Amazing Grace!" So with this I will end my blog for this wonderful morning. It is going to be a great day. I have talked myself away from the sadness and the fear for now as I wait for light of the moment. It's going to be so glorious, as it is each and every time. Mom is with me now in spirit, she is with me each time the darkness becomes light. Thank God for the angels in my life, especially the most radiant angel, my dear Momma.